Key Traits That Help Relationships to Flourish

What type of person are you and how does that impact on your relationships?

This thought-provoking image is by Minh Pham on Unsplash

Are you a doer or a procrastinator?  Are you super-organized or chaotic and shambolic?

I was Personal Assistant to several extremely successful lawyers in Dubai and if I wasn’t super-organized, it could have been catastrophic. It would have cost the company a lot of money but worse than that, I would have damaged their reputation.  They were slick and always delivered on their promises and that is why they were so successful.

FAIL TO PLAN, PLAN TO FAIL.

I remember a colleague getting it badly wrong once and it resonated with me.  A flight was due to land at 00:05 and she misread the time, resulting in the lawyer arriving a day late. She was swiftly transferred to another department in the firm and shortly after that, her contract was terminated. She obviously wasn’t up to the job.

Chaotic and disorganized people irritate me and it feels disrespectful when somebody can’t turn up on time. We all lead busy lives, but some of us are better at making time than others.  The more I go through life (I am in my sixth decade now) I am amazed at how many disorganized, shambolic individuals seem to have highly-paid, fantastic careers and I can’t work out how they manage to even do their jobs when half the time, they don’t know what day it is, let alone where they should be during every minute of that busy day.  Go figure. Another one of life’s many mysteries.

So, what has all this to do with relationships I hear you ask?  Hear me out.

I overheard two people talking in a café the other day.  One was telling the other about her friend’s husband and that his wife wasn’t a keen walker but to tempt her to accompany him on a long, coastal walk he had always wanted to do, he bribed her with the promise of a sumptuous seafood meal in an acclaimed local restaurant when they reached the end. She took the bait (excuse the pun) and they set off on their walk; she was not enamoured by the sheer drops down to the Irish sea in places but steadfastly carried on, her mouth salivating at the prospect of a fresh seafood platter and a glass of extremely chilled, very expensive white wine that befitted her standing as a high-flyer (although the woman relaying the story admitted that she had no idea what her friend actually did for a living). 

The promise of a bus back to their starting point (and said restaurant) was another incentive her husband had enticed her with.  When they eventually completed the gruelling walk (for the wife, not the rambler husband) along a coastal path in Wales, the buses were not running that day so, they had no option but to retrace their steps.  Uber doesn’t extend to deepest, darkest Wales. The wife was exhausted and furious in equal measures but consoled herself with the prospect of a slap-up meal.

When she and her husband eagerly arrived at the head of the queue for a table, the husband looked awkward and embarrassed when the waitress asked, “Have you booked?”  Apparently, the restaurant was so popular that it took bookings weeks in advance.  There was no availability and the wife felt so let down by her husband’s empty promises that they had a huge row.

I don’t know if the row was so severe that it precipitated divorce proceedings (or whether she got anything to eat, let alone her beloved seafood platter) but it sounded pretty serious.  I wanted to stay to continue eavesdropping but (sadly) I had things to do and had to get on with my day.

In my view, the husband in this story was being disrespectful to his wife.  She had accompanied him on his walk but he had not delivered on his promises. It would have been easy enough to check if the buses were running that day.  Information is instantly at our fingertips even, dare I say it, on a windswept cliff-top in the Outer Hebrides (or a rugged Welsh coastal path).

The same goes for booking a table at the restaurant.  A few seconds on your phone and voila! Table for two reserved.  That husband (if he is not an ex-husband by now) had a lot to learn. I know that it’s not just couples that a shambolic lifestyle can affect.  It can happen in all areas of our lives and is usually fairly easy to rectify with some forward planning and thoughtfulness, but only if the person concerned is prepared to put the effort in.

If you leave things to chance, it’s just that – chance.  Pot luck if you get what you want.  It’s not good enough in this busy, modern world that we live in to let people that we love down, and leave them disappointed.  I think back to the conversation I eavesdropped on and wonder if the husband learned anything from his experience.  I can’t imagine that the relationship flourished after that debacle.

The frustrations of a chaotic lifestyle, bad time-keeping, and/or forgetfulness can all go towards eroding a once-happy, stable relationship. Respect and courtesy are the least that we should expect from our significant other and if they can’t be bothered to book a table at a restaurant or check a bus timetable, that just seems disrespectful.

Who doesn’t want a happy, flourishing relationship? With some careful planning and thoughtfulness, we can make the small things in a relationship seem extra special, just by going that extra mile. 

Get shit done.

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