A Difficult Conversation to Have: Menopause
Please don't tune out if you're not a woman of a certain age
Hello and welcome to this week’s post of Rosy’s Relationship Round-Up.
Today, I am having what some people would consider a difficult conversation. You know the type: an awkward silence prefaced with a solemn-sounding voice that intimates, ‘This is serious.’ Well, read on. This is as serious as it gets.
Last week, I wrote a short story called On the Edge because I had been feeling pretty down over the winter months and was ‘diagnosed’ as menopausal. While out on the fairways with a good friend, I realised what a positive impact playing golf had had on me and I wanted to share the struggle that I had battled, with others. It’s a light-hearted read with a serious and hard-hitting message. Please read it if you get the chance.
A visit to my doctor’s surgery
When my GP said that I was menopausal, she surprised me because I am 63 and thought I had long finished with the hot flushes, brain fog and anxiety that had briefly plagued me in my late 50’s. What I wasn’t expecting was the depression.
Me? Depressed? No way! I’m as happy as Larry. But here’s the thing. It crept up on me and I hadn’t seen the signs. Worse still, I hadn’t joined the dots up and connected it to the menopause. After all, I thought that was long behind me. And something else. Mood swings. They came as a complete surprise.
My husband once said that I wasn’t the woman that he had married
Mood swings
My mood would swing from super happy to feeling rock bottom for no reason. Nothing happened, everything was the same but yet I felt that my life had no purpose and I wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there. Forever. It was a horrible place to be and I didn’t recognise myself, so it was not surprising that my husband was having difficulty reconciling the bubbly, happy-go-lucky lady that he had married with this stranger. I was turning into a downhearted, dispirited person that I didn’t want to be but I couldn’t do anything about it. I just couldn’t ‘snap out of it’.
Reluctantly, and on the advice of my daughter - a Mental Health Nurse - I made an appointment to see my GP but as we all know, here in the UK, the waiting time to see a doctor can be anything up to three weeks, so by the time the appointment day arrived, I almost cancelled because I felt so much better in myself, but I knew that a certain young lady would be furious with me, so I went along at my allotted time and felt like an imposter for wasting my GP’s time. After all, there must be far more deserving cases than mine. How wrong I was. Never underestimate your self-worth.
Were my mood swings due to lower hormone levels or was I just turning into a grumpy old woman?
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)
My GP recommended HRT but I told her that I was reluctant to try this course of action because my Mum had died from breast cancer aged 53 and ‘combined HRT can be associated with a small increase in the risk of breast cancer.’
Combined HRT can be associated with a small increase in the risk of breast cancer
I must stress that this is my personal view as I know that HRT can be incredibly helpful for some women, so please explore this option when talking to a medical professional if you feel that this course of action might be for you.
My GP discussed various other options and she recommended counselling which I subsequently followed up and was surprised at how much support I was offered and I didn’t have to wait too long before starting a series of programmes that I found extremely helpful.
I also took my own course of action by researching natural remedies for hormone replacement therapy and have been taking these every day together with a Vitamin D tablet. I don’t want to recommend the brand that I chose because we are all different and what suited me may not suit others. I am merely sharing my experience in the hope that it helps others.
I also took my own course of action by researching natural remedies for hormone replacement therapy
Three months on and the woman in the images above perfectly portrays how I feel now. I am happy and at ease with myself having fought off demons and the dragon that haunted me in my dreams at night when my sleep was fitful and I would wake up feeling unrested and grouchy. My daughter tells me (and others close to me) that when I don’t get my full quota of sleep I am evil. A strong word but I guess compared to my usual puppy dog persona, apparently I turn into a grumpy, spikey old woman who has had the soft edges sharpened and I morph into a confrontational, battle-ready, battleaxe - all spikes blazing.
The disappearance of Nicola Bulley
My heart goes out to the family of this beautiful young woman who, according to police investigating her disappearance, had “specific vulnerabilities” which were later clarified to be issues with alcohol which were brought on by her ongoing struggles with the menopause".
issues with alcohol which were brought on by her ongoing struggles with the menopause
I hope Nicola is found safe and well and that she is able to receive emotional and medical support to help her through what is clearly a difficult time for her. If she has taken her own life, then I am deeply saddened that she wasn’t able to find the right help and support to navigate her way through and out the other side to a happy and fulfilling life.
Is my journey over?
I don’t know. All I know is that I feel so much happier and better in myself. I no longer suffer from mood swings (much to my long-suffering husband’s delight) and I think this is a result of taking the tablets, getting out and immersing myself in nature while exercising aka playing golf and pushing myself to do other things. I have recently joined a Writing Circle and have met a new set of friends, and I try not to beat myself up about petty stuff. I am a worrier but have tried to teach myself not to worry about things that don’t matter.
A woman of a certain age
I am more confident going forward and feel blessed to have such a great network of family and friends around me and I intend to enjoy every moment of my future. If I ever start to feel low again, I will seek medical help straight away and not let things reach a stage when it impacts my life and has a detrimental effect.
If my marriage hadn’t been so strong, things could have turned out very differently.
If you are suffering from any of the above symptoms and feel helpless and alone, please seek medical advice. There is a whole host of things you can do to alleviate symptoms which you can find here.
If you have any questions or want to get in touch, please do - you can e-mail me directly at rosygee345@gmail.com
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